How I Missed the Boat

Oh hell, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are having twins. Does she have to do everything I do?

I decided today that I missed my calling. I should be sitting outside my larger-than-life Malibu home with my larger-than-life bank account sipping a larger-than-life margarita. Yum...I can see it now.

So where did I go wrong?

It was more than likely that first day of college. As I forced my crusted eyes to open, still in bed nursing a righteous hangover, my mother nagged. "It's the first day of classes...are you even registered?!" Truth be told, I was not registered. I really didn't want to go to college, but I had put up a really good act for the last year. It all seemed so hard. When was I going to get the call that an unknown, incredibly rich uncle had died and left me his fortune?

Since the phone was not, in fact, going to ring with that call, I picked it up instead. I called my best friend. Yep, she was going. Said she had a philosophy class that afternoon. Yuck - that didn't even sound good. A chile cheeseburger from Sonic...now that sounded good.

I made three more phone calls and got three more confirmations that everyone had accepted the invitation to higher education. Everyone except me.

I'll spare you all the gory details of my college career (Oh! that would be so fun to read, wouldn't it?) and just tell you that seven years later, a few Fs, two husbands and a wonderful baby girl later, I graduated with a degree in journalism. Should you be surprised? No. It was the quickest way through what I thought was going to be a painful process. And I didn't have to have a shitload of math classes. The only math I need to know is the ratio of gin to tonic. Now that's my kind of philosophy.