Four Rules to Surviving High School

My baby will graduate from high school this Thursday.



To say it seems impossible that this day is already here is another admission of the obvious. Every parent understands this. We spend all of those "formative years" trying to absorb and memorize every moment – every skinned knee (hoping it's the last), every heartache, every disappointment, every triumph, every success – only to realize that time marches on, and it does so at a pace that we have no control over.

My oldest daughter spent nearly 10 years being an only child. She was my prodigy, my Girl Wonder, the kid who was going to out-do your kid in everything, and she was the future superstar that was going to move mountains. I spent every extra minute I could trying to show her, through my own actions, that there was nothing on this earth that I would not defend her from. I was her Momma; no one was going to hurt my baby. Ask that poor girl in 1999 who I chased down the street. She crossed my baby, and no one does that – not even a 6-year-old. I kinda feel bad about that one, but the story behind it has served me well over the years, so feeling bad is only relative.

Since my baby started school, I have found there are four rules every parent should follow when raising a kid in high school. Of course, these can be somewhat refutable, but overall, they can serve as a pretty good moral compass in just about any situation.

1. Make good choices.
We all say this, don’t we? I can't tell you how many times my mother said it to me. And if you have a teenager, you already know that saying this will result in instantaneous eye-rolling. It happens, but you have to get over it and continue to say it. Say it when you drop them off for that first day of middle school. Say it when they walk out the door with new friends they’ve just met. Say it when they pull out of the driveway for the first time after they get their license. Say it all the time. They will get sick of it, but as their parent, you have to know that the more you say it, the more they will hear your voice in the back of their mind when faced with a difficult decision.

2. Be friends with everybody.
This really can’t be simpler. Be friends with everybody. Be nice to the person who wants nothing more than to see you fail. Say hello to the person who is sitting alone during lunch. When someone is adrift and needs a life preserver, throw them one. It doesn’t make any sense to not do any or all of those things. If it were your child on the other side, would you not pray someone would save them? Ask the mother who had to bury her own child, who took her life too soon, if she could say one thing to the person who pushed her daughter to the point of no return. I bet it would be, “Why weren’t you friends with my daughter?” Could you truthfully answer her?

3. Don’t engage.
Of all the things I try and teach my children, this is the one rule I break all the time. I engage when it is much easier to walk away from something and leave the burden of proof to someone else. There’s nothing harder than watching your babies struggle, but watching them defend themselves against their own hurtful words – when instead they could have let silence speak louder – is tougher yet. Just don’t engage.

4. Don’t build yourself up by bringing others down.
You can only learn this one after messing it up a few times. We’ve all been in that situation when the opportunity to make yourself look good hinges on pointing out the failure of someone else. Don’t do it. People will see you for the person you are without you trying to draw attention to someone’s deficit. We don’t know the internal battles of others – why would we try to? Instead, give yourself credit for something by singing the praises of those who helped you along the way. In time, that magnetism will come back to you. Just be patient. The reward is greater.

I don't have all the answers, and I've never pretended to. These are just a few lessons I learned along the way after playing Momma and Life Coach to my own senior daughter and, of course, suffering through high school myself (which seems like yesterday, let me tell you!). In my not-so-ripe old age, I've come to realize that my high school years were some of the best I've had, and I'm still good friends with several of my Class of '90 buds, but high school can be a social shredder. Enjoy what you can, and survive what you will. These may be the best of days, but I promise you the very best is yet to come.

Just look at my baby.